The Condiment King VS Toiletnator
The Condiment King VS Toiletnator is a What-If Death battle by Mattardis Description Batman VS Codename: Kids Next Door. When it comes to super-villains, these two are the worst of the worst. Can Condiment King cut the mustard? Or will Toiletnator leave his foe drained? Interlude Wiz: When you think of Super Villains, who comes to mind? Boomstick: Oh, all kinds of cool guys! Green Goblin, Joker, Zod. Waaaay too many to list! Wiz: Super villains can come in many shapes and sizes, and prove to be incredible threats to even the greatest of heroes. Boomstick: Buuuuut, sometimes... well. Villains just don't think through thier theme too well, and end up as nothing more than jokes to everyone else. Even other villains. Wiz: Mitchell Mayo, The Condiment King. Boomstick: And Lou Pottingsworth, The Toiletnator. Two of the dumbest named people I've ever heard of in my life. Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick and it's our job to analyse thier weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a death battle! The Condiment King Wiz: Batman. The Dark Knight. One of the most well known comic book heroes in the entire world. Powerful, smart, and the embodiment of fear to the criminals of Gotham City. For a hero so incredible, it only makes sense that there would be some equally amazing villains. Boomstick: Well duh! Bane's strong and smart, a close equal! And let's not forget the Joker! A twisted mind and a perfect counter to Batman! Wiz: But Batman isn't always limited to just high level villains like those two. It's not hard to forget that batman has to deal with petty criminals too. Like the time that some fast food worker lost his mind and decided to attack a bunch of civilians in a train station Boomstick: I don't blame the guy. Have you ever worked in fast food. Shit's awful. If i had a job like that, I might've turned into a crappy villain too. Though I doubt i'd ever come up with a persona as god awful as The Condiment King. NAME: MITCHELL MAYO HOMETOWN: GOTHAM CITY PREVIOUS OCCUPATION: FAST FOOD RESTAURANT WORKER TRAINED IN HERBS, SPICES AND PEPPERS BY POISON IVY INTELLIGENCE SLIGHTLY ENHANCED BY MODIFIED JOKER TOXIN Wiz: Of course, since Mitchell Mayo was just a run of the mill guy, threatening people with ketchup and mustard and pretty much nothing else, he was taken down with incredible ease by Robin and Batgirl. Boomstick: Not even! Robin took the sucker out with one punch. Not even Batman. Fucking ROBIN! That's gotta damage your supervillain cred something fierce. Not that this guy had any to begin with. Wiz: Within the hour, Mitchell was carted away and sent to Arkham Asylum to treat his clear insanity, but that was probably the worst thing to do. Boomstick: While locked away, Mitchell grew to hate the gross prison food he had to both make and eat, Making him slowly grow a more intense hatred towards Robin and Batgirl for defeating him. Wiz: But then he finally had a stroke of luck. One day, while returning to his cell, he passed by another well known villain of Batman. Poison Ivy. Boomstick: Mitchell immediately fell for her. And i don't blame him. I mean just look at her. Evil or not, she's damn hot. Plus that whole seduction thing might be a factor, i guess. Wiz: Mitchell had Poison Ivy teach him more about plants and vegetables, allowing him to learn more way to create effective weapons out of condiments, because yes. He was still stuck on that idea for some reason. And it didn't take long until Mitchell was set free from Arkham. Boomstick: Yeah, because of his absolutely pathetic villain gimmick, the law didn't take him seriously and just let him go eventually. ''' Wiz: And so he went right back to his Condiment king persona. Sometime after, he was somehow infected by a modified version of the Joker Toxin that, rather than killing him, enhanced his intelligence. Allowing him to create more effective weapons than simply sauce bottles. '''CONDIMENT CANNON * KETCHUP, MUSTARD, RELISH ATTACHED AS AMMO * CAN INCREASE ANY FLAVOUR TO 100,000 ON THE SCOVILLE SCALE * SO SPICY IT CAN FORCE TRIGGER ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK HOT SAUCE PACKS MUSTARD GAS BOMB SCOVILLE BOMB * MAKES BREATHING CLOSE TO IMPOSSIBLE HISS AND VINEGAR * VINEGAR MIXED IN WITH FLUOROANTIMONIC ACID Boomstick: The Condiment King's main weapon is his Condiment Cannon. A large gun connected to an overly complex tank of condiments that can fire ketchup, mustard and relish as ammo. Wiz: As an added bonus, using what Poison Ivy taught him, Condiment King was able to create a way to increase the intensity of his condiment's flavour up to 100,000 on the Scoville Scale. Boomstick: The hell's a Scoville? Wiz: The Scoville Scale is the worldwide scale of spiciness used for peppers. It allows you to quickly find out just how hot certain peppers are compared to others. A regular full jalapeño pepper clocks in at roughly 10,000 Scoville units, making any of Condiment King's sauces around ten times hotter than that. So more like wasabi sauce being fired out of a gun, Boomstick: Damn... dunking a little sushi in a tiny pot of wasabi is like eating fire already. I doubt i'd want that shit fired down my mouth. Wiz: Oh believe me, you wouldn't. Mitchell says that his Condiment cannon is so spicy, it can trigger anaphylactic shock in anyone he shoots in the face, regardless of if they are allergic or not. Which he demonstrated by shooting all the heroes fighting him at the time. Boomstick: Jesus. I thought this guy was a joke. What else does he have? Wiz: Condiment king carries small packets of hot sauce on his person too, as a back up weapon if foes get to close. He can throw it into thier mouth to shock them, or squirt it in thier eyes to painfully blind them, even if just temporarily. Boomstick: Plus the scoville bomb. A gas grenade that lets out a mist of super spicy air, making breathing next to impossible for anyone trapped within. Wiz: He was once able to make a large Mustard Gas bomb, and incredibly volatile weapon that could leave incredibly painful chemical burn blisters on it's victims skin and inside thier lungs. It's also a very slow acting weapon, not usually noticeable until 24 hours after exposure. That said it's important to note that this is not part of his main arsenal and would likely take a lot of time to set up another. Boomstick: Jesus christ... Wiz: Oh, that's not even the worst of it yet. After a series of failures and being sent to and released from Arkham multiple times, Mitchell was eventually recruited to a group of super villains led by General Immortus. Immortus was working on building up a team of villains that would be unstoppable and was doing so by hiring weaker villains and allowing his assistant, Professor Achilles Milo, to experiment on them to make them more powerful soldiers for him. Boomstick: Aside from some minor improvements to the loser's pathetic physical skills, the doc gave The Condiment King a new weapon. VINEGAR. Wiz: No no, that's just a name. Hiss and Vinegar. It's actually easily his most deadly weapon. The strongest superacid known to mankind. Fluoroantimonic Acid. A substance so volatile that it can eat through metal and flesh within seconds, reacts explosively to water, and can only be contained inside of PTFE, or Polytetrafluoroethylene. Boomstick: Uhhh... Wiz: ...Otherwise known as Teflon. Boomstick: WHAT?! The stuff that no stick frying pans are made from? That's the only thing this acid can't melt through? Science is fucking weird. FEATS LAUNCHED A GUY ACROSS A ROOM WITHSTOOD HAVING HIS NOSE BLASTED OFF AND KEPT FIGHTING OUTLIVED ALL OF HIS TEAM-MATES DURING A FIGHT WITH HUMAN FLAME AND THE SEDUCTRESS. Wiz: Even without factoring in the Scoville scale, the Condiment cannon fires it's sauces with enough force to launch a regular adult across a room with ease. Boomstick: His superacid was able to melt through a train's roof in seconds too. That's some strong metal right there! Wiz: And there's also the time he was in a fight with Human Flame and The Seductress. After the two of them betrayed General Immortus's villain group, condiment king and the other villains of the group were sent after Human Flame to kill him. And, Somehow, Condiment King was the last surviving member of the group through the fight. Managing to outlive other villains like Mr Polka Dot, Miss Army Knife, Sportsmaster and Brown Recluse. Boomstick: I mean... they were all just as pathetic as Condiment King though. So it's not saying too much. What IS impressive though, is how Condiment king had his ENTIRE NOSE blasted off during the fight and he just kept going like it was nothing. Like seriously. Why are we even calling this guy a joke. After everything we've said, he sounds pretty good, despite the crappy theme. WEAKNESSES MILK CAN STAVE OFF SPICINESS SYMPTOMS CAN SLIP ON HIS OWN SPILLED CONDIMENTS IF NOT CAREFUL INTELLIGENCE BOOST DID NOT IMPROVE HIS COMMON SENSE OR STRATEGIC ABILITIES LITTLE TO NO HAND-TO-HAND FIGHTING PROWESS OR EXPERIENCE Wiz: Oh i should probably stress, despite everything we've gone over, Condiment King is NOT a good villain. His main method of fighting, causing anaphylactic shock, can be countered by simply drinking milk. And his costume is just that. A costume, giving him no defenses. It doesn't even keep him from slipping over on his own spilled sauces Boomstick: Well, he still had the intelligence boost from the Joker Toxin, right? Wiz: Well, it's hard to say if that is still a factor or if it wore off. But regardless, while it improved his intelligence and IQ, it most certainly did NOT improve his common sense or his strategic abilities. If anything, it made them worse by giving him partial insanity of the Joker. Boomstick: Yeah. He's starting to sound more and more like a joke again now. This guy isn't even that good of a fighter. Any time he's in a fist fight, he ends up going down in record time, like a little bitch. Batman took him out in one punch, Robin took him out in one punch. Oh, except for that fight with the Human Flame that we mentioned... Buuuut, I should probably mention he did go down pretty quickly after he lost his nose... and then he was killed by Human Flame too... Wiz: He had a ketchup bottle curbstomped into his skull... Not a nice way to go. At the end of the day, despite everything we had to say about him today, Condiment King is just as pathetic as his supervillain name would lead you to believe. Condiment King: Ah! The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd ketchup to me sooner or later. How I relished this meeting. You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me, the conceptual Condiment King! Come, Batman. Let's see if you can cut the mustard. Batman: Quiet! *Batman punches him right in the stomach* Condiment King: *Slumps to the ground, winded and gasping for air* Y-you hit me!! Toiletnator Wiz: The imagination of children can be... odd, to say the least. Some of the more rebellious children might even imagine that the strict adults in thier life might actually be villains out to make thier lives miserable. Boomstick: There was NOTHING imaginary about that evil banker who lived next door! I Swear! He was out to make me poor! Wiz: Well, that might not be entirely false. Just like in the case of the KND, or the Kids Next Door. A super secret organization of Kids who fought against the evil adults of the world for the freedom of children everywhere. Boomstick: I fuckin' knew it! If only I knew about KND. Li'l Boomstick would've been on the front lines kickin' adult ass! Wiz: The enemies of the KND included Nightbrace, the dentist, Mr Boss, a business man with incredible strategic planning and a knack for leading others, and Father, The pyrokinetic big bad of all adults. With a common goal of oppressing all children, these villains banned together to take down the KND. Boomstick: But unfortunately for them, not all of the adults who wanted to be villains were exactly great at what they did. And one of these villains wasn't just consided a joke to the KND, but even the other villains saw this dude as a pathetic waste of thier time. Wiz: Who are we talking about? Well of course, the Toiletnator. NAME: LOU POTTINGSWORTH III HOMETOWN: SOMEWHERE NEAR SECTOR V PREVIOUS OCCUPATION: VICE ASSISTANT VICE PRESIDENT TO THE VICE PRESIDENT OF VICE ASSISTANT PRESIDENTS' ASSISTANTS OF EVIL ADULT INDUSTRIES ARCH NEMESIS AND UNCLE OF NUMBUH 4, WALLABEE BEETLES LOST "BEST TOILET THEMED VILLAIN" AWARD TO FELLOW VILLAIN, POTTY MOUTH Boomstick: Jesus... Toilets? His theme is TOILETS?! I'm more scared of the dentist than this loser! WIz: Once there was a guy by the name of Lou Pottingsworth III, an Australian business man who, after being separated from his family, found work at Evil adult industries with the most complicated job title ever. The Vice Assistant Vice president to the vice president of vice assistant presidents' assistant. Boomstick: The vice... wait, could you repeat that? Wiz: No, it was hard enough saying it once. Boomstick: Well, anyway, as a business man, Lou was not half bad. He was given the job of overseeing the production of the brand new vegetable, Asparagross. A vile food made purely to disgust children. Wiz: All was going pretty well at first. That is until the KND showed up to wreck things, led by Numbuh 1 of Sector V. Since Lou himself had the plans for Asparagross on his person, the Sector V kids immediately went after him, so he did the only thing her knew how. Boomstick: He ran like a pussy and hid himself inside of a nearby Portapotty. Too bad for him that within a couple seconds of hiding in there, some stray shots from KND mustard guns sent the toilet tumbling down off of a cliff. Wiz: After causing a wooden building to crash down on top of it too, Lou was trapped inside of the portable toilet for what seemed like weeks, keeping himself alive by eating... ugh... urinal cakes. Boomstick: That is until, finally, some kind of god made of toilet paper was summoned. Calling himself "The almighty Protector of Potty". And he decided to make Lou Pottingsworth his new champion. Wiz: at first, Lou was entirely opposed to this, but he wasn't given a choice and was suddenly forced into a transformation. When he woke up, was broke free of his prison with a new mission. Defend bathrooms everywhere from the delinquency of children as... Toiletnator. Boomstick: Of course, his new theme as a villain didn't go over well with his bosses, effectively making him the joke of the company. No one wanted him around and they went out of thier way to avoid him. OUTFIT MADE OF RIP RESISTANT, 12 PLY TOILETPAPER * TERMA-TOILETNATOR ARMOR PLUNGERS TOILET BRUSHES URINAL CAKES TOILET THEMED POWERS * TOILET PAPER * TOILET TRAVEL * CONTROL OVER WATER Wiz: Now that Toiletnator was actually capable of fighting and utilizing actual powers, he was incredibly eager to get right into action and fight some KND. More than anything, he just wanted to show the other villains how helpful he could be. Particularly Mr.Boss. Boomstick: Too bad for him, it's hard to impress other villains when your methods of fighting as as stupid as this. Toiletnator's powers and toolset are all toilet themed. His main method of attack is shooting spiral streams of Toilet paper from the rolls on each wrist. Which seemed to never actually run out for some reason. Wiz: His Toilet Paper launching ability can be used for several things, such as punching holes in obstacles, grappling and swinging like spider-man, or simply wrapping up foes tightly. Boomstick: Pff. As if Toilet paper could do all that. It's all just tearaway! Wiz: Well, usually, yes. But the toilet paper Toiletnator uses, and that is on his costume, is apparently 12-ply paper. And is rip-resistant on top of that. Making it more like a soft rope. Not unbreakable, but not as easy to break as toilet paper. Boomstick: His toilet powers don't end there either. He can somehow use toilets as travel system. All he's gotta do is step into a toilet bowl and off he goes! He can move to any toilet he wants to! Hopefully one that isn't occupied. Wiz: It's not perfect though. He can sometimes get stuck. And that's where one of his weapons comes into play. He can use a plunger to unstick himself and carry on traveling. He doesn't just use his plunger like that though. He can also Hop around on them like a pogo stick, or use them like Javelins that can pin foes to the wall with help from Toilet Brushes. Boomstick: He also carries around his favorite, and grossest, snack. Urinal cakes. Not only can he take a nibble when he needs refueling, but he can also throw them onto the ground as a trap. They're super slippery and stepping on one would act kinda like an old cartoon banana peel. It can even trip over a mech! Wiz: It's also important to note that Urinal cakes are NOT edible. They're highly toxic, in fact. While this toxicity doesn't affect Toiletnator, if a regular person were to snack on these, they'd likely come down with nausea, Dizziness and, fittingly enough, Diarrhea. Boomstick: Wait a sec, how does he carry all this shit in a skintight toilet paper suit with no pockets? Wiz: That's where his battle suit comes into play. His Terma-Toiletnator Armor. This armor swaps out his toilet seat necklace for a full toiletbowl as a breastplate. And it comes complete with a toilet tank on his back that houses all of his tools. Boomstick: Ok, is it just me, or is the word Toilet starting to sound really weird because we've said it so much? Wiz: Of course, there is still one more power Toiletnator has that we've yet to discuss. Hydrokinesis. Boomstick: Oh shit, yeah! He can control water! Most of the time, this is just something he does to unblock toilets, but if he really needs to, he can control any water in his vicinity to do what he wants, whether it's forcing a blockage down a drain, or shooting water out of toilets. It's actually a pretty cool power. Too bad he only ever uses it for toilet related reasons. FEATS TOILET PAPER IS STRONG ENOUGH SHOOT THROUGH A MOUNTAIN OF DEBRIS SURVIVED A FERRIS WHEEL FALLING ON HIM COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED NUMBUH 2 AND NUMBUH 4 DEFEATED 5 FELLOW VILLAINS WITH ABSOLUTE EASE DRAINED THE GRAND CANYON OF MILK (SOMEHOW?!) Wiz: Toiletnator's powers are surprisingly versatile and useful when they need to be. His Toilet paper launching is strong enough to shoot right through an enormous pile of debris, as shown when he escaped from his portapotty prison during his origin story. Boomstick: Not to mention that his toilet paper was also able to tied up and suspend Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 4 of the KND with only one shot. And they're both trained experts. ''' Wiz: Well, he DID catch them off guard when he did it. But it's still somewhat impressive nonetheless. He was also crushed underneath a relatively small ferris wheel and was fine, even if a little dizzy and beaten up. More impressively, he once performed a solo attack on the KND Sector V base. When he got there, he found it had already been taken over by the other villains. '''Boomstick: But being the dumbass failure that he is, toiletnator thought the other villains were the Sector V crew in disguise and went up against all five of the villains, effortlessly taking all of them down! That's Mr. Boss, Mr Wink, Mr Fibb, Crazy Cat Lady and Nightbrace. HA! Even the dentist guy? Wiz: Though when the actual members of Sector V got back, they promptly defeated Toiletnator and kicked him out with the rest of the adults. Boomstick: Oh but we can't forget his best though! After an entire day of being kicked around and beaten up, toiletnator reached boiling point and in a rage, he created a giant typhoon out of milk that had filled the grand canyon! ...Then flushed it all away... somehow. WEAKNESSES TOILET PAPER EASILY DESTROYED BY WATER GETS SICK WHEN DIZZY HIS ONLY VICTORIES RESULTED IN DEFEATING HIS FELLOW VILLAINS TOO INCREDIBLY GULLIBLE Wiz: This prooves two things. 1. Toiletnator can not just control water, but any liquid that is composed mostly of water, Milk being 95% water. And 2... Well... Toiletnator is an incredibly ineffective villain. Boomstick: This guy has a wide arsenal, decent powers and yet somehow, he always manages to fuck everything up! Wiz: His toilet paper, despite being heavily resistant to tearing, is still incredibly ineffective against water, becoming soggy and falling apart in no time flat if it gets wet. On top of that, he's prone to getting sick if he ever gets Dizzy. Boomstisk: What truly makes him a godawful bad guy though, is he's just not that evil! Wiz: Sure, Toiletnator hates kids, but he's generally a nice guy to most people he meets and has an incredibly emotional side. His over enthusiasm for being a villain all stems from wanting his fellow bad guys to recognize him as helpful... even though he's really really not. He's incredibly gullible, once being fooled by a disguise numbuh 1 was wearing, that was simply a T-shirt that read "I am not Numbuh 1" Boomstick: The loser is a total idiot! Sure, he's had a handful of occasions where he shows just how competent he can be. But those brief moments of competency always end up screwing over all his adult team mates at the same time. Like how when he drained the grand canyon of milk, it left the evil adult submarine trapped at the bottom of the canyon and the element of surprise ruined. I mean... the pun makes it's self... He's just a Shitty Villain. Mr Wink: *Hiding behind a sofa with Mr Fibb.* ...Is he gone..? Mr Boss: I'll check... *He creeps out from behind and arm chair and carefully opens the drapes to the window* Toiletnator: *outside* HEY GUYS!! Mr Boss: Aw Geez, it's the toiletnator... Toiletnator: Can I come in? Huh?! Polls Who do you WANT to win? Condiment King or Toiletnator? Condiments! Toilets! Who do you THINK will win? Condiment King or Toiletnator? Condiments! Toilets! Fight Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLLLLLLLLE!!! One day, at Evil Adult Industries, Mr Boss was preparing a meeting with all of the other villains. Nightbrace, Mr Wink and Fibb, Gramma Stuffem, even Father was there. But one villain specifically wasn't there. At least... he wasn't at first. "Alright then..." Mr Boss began. "First order of business is..." But then he was cut off by banging at the door. "Hey! Hey! Mr Boss? Are you in there? I think the invite you sent me was misprinted. It told me to head to Cambodia, but when i got there, you weren't there. So i took a toilet back here." At the voice, every villain the room let out a loud groan and collectively facepalmed. "Aw, geez. It's the Toiletnator..." Mr Boss moaned, before stomping over and opening the door. "Hey guys! Good to see you all! so what's on the agenda today? Did I miss anything?" Toiletnator said, wondering in with a bright smile. The villains all began t grumble in anoyance, and Father even began to glow with flames. Mr Boss didn't want Father getting angry so he thought quickly. "A-actually, Toiletnator! I'm glad you're here! I've got a super special mission for you! I...uhh... W-we need more villains! So I need you to go on a recruitment drive! Find someone tough looking and bring them on back for a job interview. Make sure you do a good job though. No bringing back any failures!" Toiletnator's eyes sparkled and his smile grew wide as Mr Boss gave him this mission. He saluted proudly. "Don't worry, Mr Boss! I won't let you down! I'll find the most kick-butt villain you've ever seen. It's a promise!" and just like that, he charged off to the nearest bathroom and flushed himself down a toilet. All of the villains let out a collective sigh. "Alright... back to business..." Mr Boss said, returning to the meeting. MEANWHILE The Condiment King sat alone in the usual villains bar. As per usual, General Immortus had sent him out to keep out for any potential recruits to his cause. He took a small sip of his drink, a glass of ketchup, before hearing an odd flushing noise come from the bathroom. Which was odd because no one had gone to the bathroom during the 30 minutes he'd been sitting in the bar. He stood up to investigate, but before he could go anywhere, the bathroom door burst open. "Afternoon, my fellow villains! My name is Toiletnator and I'm here with an exciting business opportunity today! Who want's to join Evil Adult Indutries and terrorize children across the world?" All the villains of the bar turned to look at Toiletnator, before simply laughing and turning away, back to thier conversations and drinks. Toiletnator frowned in frustration. Condiment King smirked though. A perfect villain for General Immortus! "Excuse me, Sir. I couldn't help but notice you were hiring for another company" Condiment King said, approaching Toiletnator. "I just can't help but think of this as a waste of your clear potential." Toiletnator raised his eyebrow as Condiment King spoke. "A waste of Potential? What do you mean?" "Well, I mean, your villain theme is clearly one that doesn't command much respect. But if you come with me to the Immortus Corps, we could improve you. Make you better!" Condiment King said, with a smug grin. Toiletnator seemed intrigued for a moment, before quickly shaking his head. "No, no, I couldn't abandon Evil Adult Industries. But maybe you could abandon this Immortus guy and join US. You seem like a pretty cool bad guy!" "I'm not abandoning my General." Condiment King said flatly and began to walk away. Then Toiletnator began to panic. This guy was right. He didn't command enough respect to properly recruit new villains. But he couldn't just quit! Mr Boss was counting on him to get new employees. He clenched his fists tight before pointing right at Condiment King. "STOP RIGHT THERE." He commanded. "When I said you COULD abandon him, I meant you WILL. Even if I have to force you!" Condiment King turned around, and pulled out his Condiment cannon. "Oh? You think you can take on ME. Oooooh, I'm gonna RELISH this fight~" FIGHT Toiletnator sprang into action immediately. He thrust his fists out in front of him and shot two spirals of toilet paper from his Wrists directly at Condiment King. The streams slammed right into him, launching backwards into the wall. The other villains in the bar began getting annoyed at how loud the two of them were being and began to leave. Condiment King raised his gun and began shooting out a stream of Ketchup and mustard all over the two toilet paper spirals, getting them wet and hence, making them fall apart and freeing him. He then raised his weapon to aim at Toiletnator and shot out another stream. This time, Relish. Toiletnator tried to counter by shooting more toilet paper, but the condiment cannon tore right through it and slammed into Toiletnator's chest, launching him backwards this time. Toiletnator slammed into a wall himself and once Condiment King stopped firing, he reached down and wiped up some of the sauce from his suit. "Is that relish..?" He asked, before licking some off his finger. His eyes immediately grew wide and he spat the sauce out. "Gah!! Spicy! Spicy!" "Oh, but that was just a little taste!" Condiment king replied, this time aiming for Toiletnator's face. "I'd better help you ketchup with my wonderfully spicy flavors. Straight from the SAUCE." He yelled out, firing more sauces at Toiletnator. Toiletnator quickly jumped to the side though, launching some toilet paper up to a nearby light and using it like a grapple to swing around and gave a kick to condiment King's head, knocking off one of the salt shakers that were attached to his costume. Condiment King fell to the ground in a heap and dropped his gun, while toiletnator stood over him. "Hahaha! Looks like you were just NUMBER TWO after all!" Toiletnator gloated. Condiment King wasn't done though. he reached down for his belt and retrieved a pack of hot sauce. He tore it open, reached up and gave it a squeeze, shooting hot sauce into Toiletnator's wide open mouth. Toiletnator gagged and stumbled backwards, gripping his throat as he tried to recover. Condiment King took the opportunity to get right back up to his feet and collect up his gun, before taking aim at Toiletnator, who had his back to Condiment King. He opened fire, launching Toiletnator once again, sending him crashing back into the bathroom of the bar. Toiletnator fell to the bathroom floor in a heap, still gasping for air, before quickly scrambling to the nearest toilet and dunking his head into it. He pulled himself back out of it, letting out a sigh of relief. "Ahh... much better." He said, smiling. Then he heard the sound of a gun cocking. He turned around to see Condiment King had blocked off his exit to the cubicle. "That was just run-of-the-mill hot sauce, My friend. Time to get a taste of something FAR Better." He said grinning maniacally as he took aim for Toiletnator's face one more time. "No second helpings, I'm afraid. Just one taste is to DIE for. So I guess this is TTFN, Tartar for now, you little Pesto!" Of course, While condiment king was monologuing and making bad puns, Toiletnator had climbed into the toilet bowl. And just as Condiment King pulled the trigger, FLUSH! Toiletnator shot down the pipes, vanishing right before him. Condiment King watched on in shock before quickly aiming at the bowl and firing his sauces down the pipes after Toiletnator, as if that would help. Suddenly, there was another flush behind him and Condiment King span around to see Toiletnator. He'd come out of another toilet, this time wearing his Terma-Toiletnator armor. Toiletnator reached back for a plunger and hurled it at Condiment King. It immediately stuck to his face and condiment king was forced to try and pull the weapon off. Finally, it came loose from his face, just in time to see Toiletnator rush in and smack Condiment King in the face with a toilet brush. Despite being caught off guard, Condiment King responded by smacking Toiletnator with the butt of his Condiment Cannon and the two of them back off quickly, now having a stare down in the middle of the bathroom. Toiletnator began to charge and Condiment King reacted with a new strategy. He pulled his Scoville Bomb and pulled the pin, sliding along the floor to Toiletnator's feet where it exploded into a large cloud of gas, clouding the bathroom. Trapped in the center, Toiletnator breathed the spicy gas in immediately, which he quickly realized was a bad idea as he began choking and wheezing. He collapsed onto his hands and feet and scrambled out of the cloud as fast as he could where he continued to cough and attempt to catch his breath. Once he finally got up, he noticed that Condiment King was nowhere to be seen. He turned back to face the cloud of gas, when a blast of mustard came flying out. Luckily it missed Toiletnator by quite a margin and splatted onto the wall. Meanwhile, on the other side of the gas cloud, Condiment king stood, taking potshots at the other side. Neither of them could see each other, but he had a ranged weapon, giving him the advantage. Or at least he thought, until a toilet paper whip came shooting out of the cloud and slapped him in the face before reeling back to Toiletnator. Condiment King growled and continued to shoot sauces at random. Toiletnator, getting worried about dodging attack he couldn't see had a new idea. Using his toiler paper powers, he began spinning two roped of toilet paper around like propellers and began to dispel the spicy gas from the room. When the gas cleared, Condiment king noticed that Toiletnator had thrown urinal cakes all over the floor. Not that it mattered. "Good luck beating me from all the way over there with nothing but toilet paper. I have the ranged advantage still!" He called out. Toiletnator grinned and began clenching his fists. The toilets of the bathroom all began to rumble and shake, as if there was an earthquake, before one of them finally fired off a massive blast of water right at Condiment King. His eyes grew wide as he was suddenly slammed against the wall by the water and his efforts to breath and speak were stopped by the massive amount. Finally, the water stopped and the soak Condiment king seemed incredibly angry. "What's wrong, Saucy? You look a little DRAINED. Can't handle a little water?" Toiletnator Taunted. Condiment King began to grow angrier and angrier before finally giving in. He reached down and grabbed his bottle of Hiss and Vinegar. He was gonna melt this toilet trash with acid! He charged forward at Toiletnator, who seemed caught off guard by this and raised his arms in defense but... SLIP! Condiment King stepped directly onto one of the Urinal cakes and his feet came slipping out from right beneath him. His bottle of Fluoroantimonic Acid when flying up into the air... and fell into one of the toilet bowls. "...Oh shit..." Condiment King muttered under his breath and he watched. "Hey, watch your language, Potty mouth!" Toiletnator said before before he could do anything else, the room was suddenly filled with a giant fiery explosion as the acid reacted violently with the water. BOOOOOOOOM!!! The bathroom was entirely annihilated, leaving only one toilet still attached to the plumbing and all of the walls completely collapsed and burnt to a crisp. Condiment King was slumped against some rubble, alive but unconscious. And Toiletnator was nowhere to be seen... until some of the rubble began to shake. "G-geez, what kinda sauce was in there..?" Toiletnator said as he dragged himself out from underneath some rubble. He looked dizzy as hell and his costume was totally ruined. Ripped all over. Not to mention his Terma-Toiletnator armor was totally destroyed. He stumbled around for a moment before he noticed Condiment King laying unconscious. "I... I did it! I won! WOO! Ok, let's get you back to Evil Adult Industries" He said gleefully, as he grabbed onto Condiment King's ankle and began dragging him over to the only working toilet in the remains of the room. With all of what was left of his strength, he grabbed Condiment king and threw him head first into the toilet. The moment his face hit the water, Condiment king was brought back to consciousness, only to have Toiletnator suddenly stand on his head. "Alright! Toilet Travel to Evil Adult Industries!" Toiletnator called out, and the two of them began to get sucked down the toilet... well, until they got stuck. "Oh, geez..." Toiletnator said grumpily, reaching for his plunger. Condiment King began flailing his legs, which were the only part of his body not submerged in water. He couldn't breath and was totally stuck. He could feel himself growing light headed. Suddenly, he felt something hit one of his legs. "Hey! Stop struggling down there! You're making it harder to get unstuck!" Toiletnator shouted at him. Before continuing to try and plunger himself down the drain. Of course, Condiment King didn't stop flailing and kept attempting to escape, but to no avail. After around 30 seconds, he fell unconscious again... and drowned. With his legs now lifeless and not flailing, Toiletnator's plunger finally worked and the two of them began to move again. "Woo! Homeward bound!" Toiletnator cheered out Happily, as he shot off with Condiment King's corpse. Results K.O. In the Evil Adults Industries bathroom, Condiment King's dead body shoots out of one of the bowls and lands in a heap on the floor. Toiletnator comes out afterwards, laughing triumphantly, before noticing that Condiment King wasn't moving, and giving his body a light kick to see if he was ok. Boomstick: Hey Wiz, Condiment King's looking a little flushed, don't you think? Wiz: *Sigh* You're gonna be awful with these puns aren't you Boomstick: I'm just sayin'. Condiment King looked just Gravy a second ago! Hehehe. Wiz: ...Ahem. Condiment King and Toiletnator may both be pathetic villains, but even so, there is a couple clear differences between the two that ultimately led to this outcome. First, the obvious elephant in the room. Condiment King's weapons. Despite the ludicrous nature of them, they were clearly far more dangerous than anything Toiletnator had. That much is very true. Boomstick: More than enough to make a... COMEBACK, hehehe Wiz: But just because he had a more dangerous Arsenal doesn't mean he wins. Especially when you compare the two of them overall. Boomstick: When you compare the two of them in terms of basic stats like speed and strength and stuff, they're both pretty plain, like white sauce! But Toiletnator had a clear durability advantage since he'd been crush under a ferris wheel and been fine, while Condiment king was laid out in a single punch from Robin. This durability difference put Condiment King in a JAM so to speak. Quite the PICKLE, huh? Hahahaha! Wiz: Can you stop with the puns please? You get ONE per episode. No more. Boomstick: No need to be so SALTY, Wiz. Or are you just JELLY than I'm so much more creative. Wiz: ... Boomstick: Now you're giving me the cold shoulder? Don't be so CHILLI. Hahahaha!! Wiz: AHEM. You may think that Toiletnator's higher durability wouldn't matter against Condiment King's Fluoroantimonic Acid, and you'd be right. Condiment King's super acid could end this fight in an instant if it hit. But that's where the problem lies. Condiment King is just NOT an effective fighter, while Toiletnator is at least a little effective. Condiment King has failed in every fight he's ever been in. And always in an incredibly pathetic manner. Usually one punch is all it takes. The only exception being his fight with Human Flame, but that fight was incredibly short regardless and ended with his death. Toiletnator on the other hand, may be pathetic in concept, but he's shown multiple times that he's an effective fighter. Just because he causes the villains to lose doesn't diminish the fact HE was able to defeat them! Boomstick: Condiment King's entire battle style is based around being aggressive and taking down or immobilizing his foes with brute force and weapons. Which doesn't work out too well when you just absolutely suck at fighting. Not to mention the fact he has no defense against any of his OWN weapons! He's just as susceptible to slipping on sauce or getting that allergic reaction thingy. So even his Scoville Bomb, or even mustard gas, if he was able to get it, would be just as dangerous to him as his foe. Wiz: Meanwhile, Toiletnator's fighting style is based less on being aggressive and more immobilizing his foe with his toilet themed arsenal. Tying them up in toilet paper, slipping them with urinal cakes, pinning them down with Toilet Brushes, and so on. And considering Condiment King's own weapons limit himself, that just makes it that much easier for Toiletnator to subdue him. Boomstick: A good way to think about this fight is to think of Hercule VS Dan. Sure, One of them has a hyper powerful attack that could end the fight in an instant. But that don't mean shit if you just have no idea how to effectively use it AND your opponent is more skilled than you. Even if just a little. Wiz: Exactly! Oh, and thanks for dropping the puns, Boomstick. They were getting annoying. Boomstick: Looks like Condiment King took a spill. Then Toiletnator wiped him out. Wiz: ...God damn it, Boomstick... The winner is Toiletnator. Do you agree with Toiletnator's victory? 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